Louisiana is, to put it bluntly, just stunning. I love the humid subtropical climate, the wetlands, the swamps and moss-covered trees. The state has a mixed variety of multicultural and multilingual heritages, thanks to French, Spanish and African ties. Still, Louisiana has blood on its hands, and unfortunately racism is still prevalent in the South.
There's a baptist church on every corner, I kid you not. I found it almost scary to drive through small rural towns that had perhaps one grocery store, a couple of feed store and a gas station among scattered sheds and buildings that were falling apart. But the churches, it seems, are practically recession proof. Heck, you don't need to fix the roads or build more schools - as long as there are churches where the white folks go..that's all you need.
Keep in mind that we drove on a Sunday. Since all the good folks were hanging out in the presence of their god, we had the roads pretty much to ourselves. But when we turned onto Highway 190, things turned ugly.
Picture this. Officer Dick Weed from the Livonia Police Department is eager to earn his shield. He was picked on at the police academy, never had a girlfriend, and still lives at home with his momma. His face - nicely decorated with cold sores - is a great reminder that God does have a sense of humor. So you can only imagine his joy when he spots a van with tinted windows and Oregon plates. Surely these outta-town folks who are out driving on a Sunday must be up to no good. My, they're probably smuggling meth all the way from Ore-gahn. So Dick Weed decides to follow this evil vehicle in hopes of finding a good reason to pull it over.
Meantime, Annie is driving while keeping an alert eye on the speedometer. She's already spotted the police vehicle that's following her. Nice and easy. Ops, there we go. We're getting pulled over.
Officer Dick Weed can barely contain himself. He's so eager to get inside the van and put his sticky fingers all over the bags of drugs, that he forgets to present himself, and doesn't tell the driver the reason for being pulled over. He mumbles something about driver's license and proof of insurance. He sees the young lady driving. She's not even American! How on earth! Surely these folks must be evil. He then sees the young man in the passenger's seat. Black hair, tattoos, piercings! Is this satan's spawn? He must be!
Jamie gets asked to step out of the vehicle, and is basically harassed. Dick Weed asks him if he has any warrants out for his arrest. Seriously? I though *I* was being pulled over for speeding? It's obvious we're being profiled for A) our car, and B) our looks.
To make a long story short(er)...Dick Weed proceeds to bring out his K9 to sniff out drugs. He claims the dog marks on the driver's side (which would be where I sat) and calls out a colleague. He again asks Jamie if he smokes or uses drugs.
This is ridiculous. I ask Herpes Face how his dog marks (I know how police dogs work, and I kept an eye with the dog the entire time).
"He sits."
"I didn't see him sit. He kept walking around the car."
"Umm.. he made a weak remark."
"Well, he either sits, or doesn't sit, right?"
I shake my head, and just have to laugh. If the dog sniffed out drugs on the driver's side, Herpes Face should have questioned me, shouldn't he? I guess I don't fit the perceived profile of what a pot smoker looks like.
Herpes Face spends a long time going through our stuff. He just HAS to find something, these people cannot possible just be on a road trip! They're from Oregon, and the guy is tall and has tattoos!
Here's a newsflash, Livonia Police Department. I suggest you remind your little boy scouts what police work is. It's definitely not wasting your precious tax dollars on pure harassing. Tell Herpes Face he needs to either go back to Sunday school, or resort to a career as a test bunny for herpes cream. He's a lawsuit waiting to happen.
Next: Finally NEW ORLEANS!
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